Imagination

At first, pitch black.
And then, a shimmer
grows into a sparkle
A sparkle, a twinkle,
A little star.

A question, a wonder,
Notes, scrawls and scribbles
hurried on paper.
Paused, scrunched, and thrown away.

That nagging feeling
Growing, spreading, throbbing
Like an aching heart.

A blank slate.
Pure white,
Optimistic,
A new start.

The thing is when i get lazy and i cant think of anything to write about i turn to poetry because no matter what the critics say it is poetry and no one ever really completely understands it. Also its short.
(See i told you i was lazy!)

I used to think poetry had to rhyme. But now, in my own opinion, what constitutes a good poem is largely how it sounds in my head. Like, if the rhythm matches and the words make sense and it’s nothing too unnatural, all good.

So behind every poem there must be a story, and mine is that too often we throw away ideas because we ink they are stupid, when really feasibility should always be the last factor to be considered! (I learnt this in a matrix model which is used to help assess health protocols to reduce the number of injuries on a population level. ) My point is, if Mozart had decided his ideas were too stupid at the age of 5 (don’t quote me please :P) I don’t think Twinkle twinkle little star would have existed.

And if that were the case, what on earth would we teach to our beginner, screeching violinists?

Here is my reflection on 2013; 3 days late, but better late than never :P
Last year, I embarked on this happy jar/box project because I really wanted to capture and remember moments that made me happy. (Okay yeah now that I think about it, the name itself was probably self explanatory, but still.)

I needed to remember my accomplishments, triumphs, hell, even sheer luck if it came down to it! I just needed to remember them for a rainy day so whenever I felt down or whatever, I knew that happiness was within reach, and really just came down to my attitude towards the situation.

I know it looks pretty empty… And altho I tried my best to stick to it, there were obviously heaps of events I didnt have a chance to add in, like growing closer to my Coastie pals, feeling less of a social outcast at events, going to my first Christmas thingy, and of course the New Years gathering in itself.  (I haven’t forgotten!)

I opened these little stars with my bf today. Some of them were squirm-worthy, but that just goes to show how much a person can change within a year. 

But anyway, highlights: 
12 Jan 2013 - Just paid for Freshers! Gonna be meeting future amazing friends to be! Yay for entering the Pharmily 
This showed me the importance of having friends who save your ass assignments and stuff. Cheers to everyone who listened to my constant complaining of dying, cheers to all those other alternatives who died with me! Cheers to all of us for still not completely figuring out what the heck we are gonna do with our lives! I love you all and idk how I would have gotten through without you. I wouldn’t have. 

25 Jan 2013 - Yay for still being able to get along with the girls from our year 13 girls camp! I don’t think i’ve been that high from laughter in a while… 
Hehe this memory showed me how incredibly strong some friendships are, so strong that it doesn’t matter how much time or space (distance) has passed you can literally just pick up that friendship where you left off. Nothing changes and they can always be relied on for support. You girls make me really happy. 

20 Feb 2013 - Got 2 jobs this week! 1 for accompanying, and 1 for note taking 
For some reason I was really really proud of myself, not that I did much to get these.. Okay so maybe for the accompanying I was taken seriously because of my diploma I slaved over in 2012, but note taking? That was pretty much timing and luck. I really really appreciate it though. I was so happy that day cause I usually always miss out in these types of things. 

13 Jan 2013 - joke of the year: “A man walks into a bar..” 
Oh my gosh. I think I only really put this one in cause it had me giggling in hysterics. It’s not even that funny! 

18 Dec 2013 - my bunnies are so cute! Walking a different bunny each day at the moment.. So much fun! 
For those that don’t know, I have flemish giants and they are the best pets ever. I love them all to the moon and back, they literally bring me so many tears of joy. I love them like my children! I spend a significant amount of time making my life decisions with Milly, my biggest rabbit. She grazes my garden, I get peace and quiet and my daily dose of cuteness. Win win. 

08 Dec 2013 - heehee just had dinner with Santa at Denny’s. 
This year I did the santa fun run with said bf just cause I thought it was absolutely adorable to see so many Santas running for a charity thing. Also the dinner part is significant because I never go out for dinner :3 hey, wouldn’t dinner with Santa make your year?

25 March 2013 - the warm fuzzies :3
I cant remember if this was bf related or bunny related.. Oh well. Who doesn’t appreciate the warm fuzzies right?

05 Feb 2013 - Milly had 9 gorgeous babies today… They look like rats.. But still… Cute!!!
Appearance is still something I struggle with despite trying jot to care etc. and idk, this one just showed me that… Just because someone else doesn’t see it doesn’t mean we won’t grow into something beautiful. Haha to me, this was kind of like an ugly duckling story. No jokes though, on day 1, that nest of babies looked sickening.. But then they grew fur :3 it is also a reminder to not judge others. That’s just rude.


I guess if you are wondering what happened in the middle of the year, well uni happened. Everything in the middle is literally about figures. Me being happy about grades etc. So boring!

If you have bothered to read this far, I thank you. Either you care about my happiness, or you wanna do this project for yourself! 
If it is the latter, I do highly recommend it.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but with these little stars, I captured memories. And memories are just as, if not more, valuable :3

Here is my reflection on 2013; 3 days late, but better late than never :P
Last year, I embarked on this happy jar/box project because I really wanted to capture and remember moments that made me happy. (Okay yeah now that I think about it, the name itself was probably self explanatory, but still.)

I needed to remember my accomplishments, triumphs, hell, even sheer luck if it came down to it! I just needed to remember them for a rainy day so whenever I felt down or whatever, I knew that happiness was within reach, and really just came down to my attitude towards the situation.

I know it looks pretty empty… And altho I tried my best to stick to it, there were obviously heaps of events I didnt have a chance to add in, like growing closer to my Coastie pals, feeling less of a social outcast at events, going to my first Christmas thingy, and of course the New Years gathering in itself. (I haven’t forgotten!)

I opened these little stars with my bf today. Some of them were squirm-worthy, but that just goes to show how much a person can change within a year.

But anyway, highlights:
12 Jan 2013 - Just paid for Freshers! Gonna be meeting future amazing friends to be! Yay for entering the Pharmily
This showed me the importance of having friends who save your ass assignments and stuff. Cheers to everyone who listened to my constant complaining of dying, cheers to all those other alternatives who died with me! Cheers to all of us for still not completely figuring out what the heck we are gonna do with our lives! I love you all and idk how I would have gotten through without you. I wouldn’t have.

25 Jan 2013 - Yay for still being able to get along with the girls from our year 13 girls camp! I don’t think i’ve been that high from laughter in a while…
Hehe this memory showed me how incredibly strong some friendships are, so strong that it doesn’t matter how much time or space (distance) has passed you can literally just pick up that friendship where you left off. Nothing changes and they can always be relied on for support. You girls make me really happy.

20 Feb 2013 - Got 2 jobs this week! 1 for accompanying, and 1 for note taking
For some reason I was really really proud of myself, not that I did much to get these.. Okay so maybe for the accompanying I was taken seriously because of my diploma I slaved over in 2012, but note taking? That was pretty much timing and luck. I really really appreciate it though. I was so happy that day cause I usually always miss out in these types of things.

13 Jan 2013 - joke of the year: “A man walks into a bar..”
Oh my gosh. I think I only really put this one in cause it had me giggling in hysterics. It’s not even that funny!

18 Dec 2013 - my bunnies are so cute! Walking a different bunny each day at the moment.. So much fun!
For those that don’t know, I have flemish giants and they are the best pets ever. I love them all to the moon and back, they literally bring me so many tears of joy. I love them like my children! I spend a significant amount of time making my life decisions with Milly, my biggest rabbit. She grazes my garden, I get peace and quiet and my daily dose of cuteness. Win win.

08 Dec 2013 - heehee just had dinner with Santa at Denny’s.
This year I did the santa fun run with said bf just cause I thought it was absolutely adorable to see so many Santas running for a charity thing. Also the dinner part is significant because I never go out for dinner :3 hey, wouldn’t dinner with Santa make your year?

25 March 2013 - the warm fuzzies :3
I cant remember if this was bf related or bunny related.. Oh well. Who doesn’t appreciate the warm fuzzies right?

05 Feb 2013 - Milly had 9 gorgeous babies today… They look like rats.. But still… Cute!!!
Appearance is still something I struggle with despite trying jot to care etc. and idk, this one just showed me that… Just because someone else doesn’t see it doesn’t mean we won’t grow into something beautiful. Haha to me, this was kind of like an ugly duckling story. No jokes though, on day 1, that nest of babies looked sickening.. But then they grew fur :3 it is also a reminder to not judge others. That’s just rude.


I guess if you are wondering what happened in the middle of the year, well uni happened. Everything in the middle is literally about figures. Me being happy about grades etc. So boring!

If you have bothered to read this far, I thank you. Either you care about my happiness, or you wanna do this project for yourself!
If it is the latter, I do highly recommend it.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but with these little stars, I captured memories. And memories are just as, if not more, valuable :3

I’m not doing anything musical this year unfortunately, unless you count the two paid performances i had in January.
After stopping piano I’d gotten so carried away by Uni I’d forotten what chilling out was!

I thought Pharmacy was supposed to be easier than biomed so like whatthefrick? Where did all my free time go? :((

I was listening to one of youtube’s recommendations last night: Haydn’s cello concerto in C. Ohnygoodness. There are just no words capable of describing the joy i felt listening to that work again.

I just cant explain it. Why do I even listen to classical music?

Maybe its because it helps me reminiscise how I used to be, how I used to feel so alive from orchestra, from performing my solos, or having my voice, breathing and technique analysed to pieces after those good old NCEA performances.

Or maybe it captured the mood i was feeling at the time and it gives me another chance to re-live one of those brief moments free from stress, panick, free from failure.

Or maybe i just like to be subjected to what ever emotions Haydn himself was trying to convey.

I dont know why I listen to classical. But I do know it brings me pure joy. And something that can make you that chill HAS to be good for you right?

Zzzz…

When you’ve had a full good night’s sleep but you’re just tired.  So so tired.  You feel like lying in bed after a shower so you can fall asleep nice and warm but you know that if you do,  there’s no way you’re gonna get up again to finish all that work you promised to do. 

There is no excuse to be this tired. People work way harder than I do. Why am I being consumed by fatigue?

Still.

Still.  Immobilised.  Overwhelmed.
When you have so much to do there is just no good place to start.

Tags: uni Ugh saveme